I think Tucker Carlson is gonna run for president
Is his new merch collection taking him to the bank or the White House?
In my mind, there are only three reasons you release merch:
You need money
Your team is forcing you to
You want to reach a new consumer base
Tucker Carlson, unlike most many of his conservative content counterparts, is certainly not strapped for cash. He is the founder of his own streaming platform and media brand, Tucker Carlson Network, mostly staffed by his former Fox News team. So, it feels like it’s safe to rule out the idea that they tied him to the Shopify tree against his will.
That leaves the highest risk, highest reward option: Tucker is taking a risk, hoping to recruit. When your merch looks like it’s meant to fight for attention with other outdoorsy graphic tees on the clearance rack at Bass Pro Shops, only a limited amount of fish are gonna bite.
Drop a collection of quippy, dyed-in-irony, Y2K tees, mugs, beanies, and more? Suddenly you have online leftists praying they’ll stumble upon a discarded TCN offering on their version of the clearance rack: discounted on Depop.
A “vintage” corduroy hat with “I ❤️ NICOTINE” stitched into its crown is as irresistible to a Gen Z Brooklynite as the nicotine itself. Young people love clothing that announces itself. This world of fashion and the bodies who animate it actively search for the brash, the bold, and yes, the offensive. (I will not be including a pic of me in 2021 wearing an “I pee in pools” trucker hat at this time.)
I read this all as a reach for the left — some trickle-down Tuckernomics. Audrey Horne of Secret Ballot — a newsletter that lets you relish in the feeling of eavesdropping on D.C. — has a different take.
“It’s neither new nor left-wing ... it reads as distinctly right-wing and very online to me. It actually feels more like an extension of the Trump-era style that’s common in younger conservative circles in DC. And the very online vibe is available to both sides now … It reminds me of Gavin Newsom’s aggro 4-chan-style marketing attempts or some of the newer Trump merch.”
(I think that applies to “Kamala is Brat” merch, too, but a lot of you don’t want to hear that.)
This makes me wonder who among the edgelord right is buying and wearing the NYC hat with a hammer and sickle on it — it just feels so tailor-made for a DSA rally. I’m also wondering, if Docker-clad Tucker Carlson is capitalizing on a trend, does that mean it’s on the outs? Audrey again:
“... the merch is kind of ironically funny, even that kind of ironic consumption is tired out in 2026. But ultimately I think anyone buying this kind of ‘funny’ political merch - ironic or not - is a trend-follower. Not the mark of someone with great personal style.”
Having attended both the RNC and DNC in 2024, I can confirm: I won’t be leaning on anybody wrapped in their political affiliations (like Bethenny Frankel’s Skinny Girl punch buggy) for outfit advice.
But you didn’t think I was gonna find a way — during fashion month — to talk about clothes and only mention a 56-year-old white man who wears bowties, did you? Not when we’re seeing the open dialogue between the fashion world winking to the right-wing … and the right-wing nodding back.
BOOTS ON THE GROUND
Looksmaxxer-in-Chief, Clavicular clomped down the runway at NYFW, as George Santos (inexplicably clad in a quilted jacket, quarter zip, and Birkin) looked on from the front row. Demna Gvasalia’s first collection at the helm of Gucci offers menswear that looks like a targeted ad for Jeff Bezos sweating in the club in St. Barths.
And I said dialogue for a reason — it’s a partnered dance. An Interview Mag spread is blowing up, thanks to a new look at what feels like an ancient archetype. Yes, this is Andy Warhol’s queer-ass publication offering up “Finance Boys” as fashion’s newest exotic good. (Goldman Sachs is allegedly displeased). Recasting the Brookfield Place Broligarchy as subversive, if not chic.
One of the Excel bots featured offers some financial advice: “Know your risk tolerance and have a well-diversified portfolio.” It’s the same approach to venture capital as you’d use for any investment — knowledge Tucker Carlson is clearly deploying, right now, in many different directions.
TUCKER CARLSON FOR THE PEOPLE
Perhaps not the words you’d expect right here. The merch analysis is a gateway to a large exploration of Tucker’s asset strategy. I suspect that he has unadmitted, larger ambitions than just hosting a podcast where he can entertain a range of ideas from kooky to outright traitorous.
Tucker Carlson Network, TCN, launched at the tail end of 2023. It’s done so many millions of views I didn’t even bother trying to add them up. We know this. This product is the reason this man and his psycho laugh remain in your periphery. Outside of that:
Battalion Metals: A precious metals company that flashes a “Buy the Dip” encouragement as soon as you enter the website. They promise to bring “integrity” back to the industry.
Tucker is all in on this — just last week he published a paywalled mini doc going after the handful of MAGA creators and influencers peddling “collectible” gold coin scams … Rudy Giuliani, it’s for you.
Phrasing to note on his website: customers are looking for “a way to recover sovereignty”
ALP: A nicotine pouch competitor to Carlson’s formerly beloved Zyn. He made the decision to launch his own line in 2024 after the “humorless, left-wing drones” at Philip Morris declined a partnership with him.
“ALP stands for freedom, adventure, and clarity, providing a modern alternative that lets you enjoy nicotine on your terms.”
You can get 1,000 pouches for $238.
A percentage of the earnings (who knows what) goes to different philanthropic causes, but nothing “woke.”
There’s clearly an effort to build community. They offer 10% commission affiliate links. The ALP Christmas party hosted Marjorie Taylor Greene, Candace Owens, podcaster Theo Von, Grammy winner Jelly Roll, comedian charged with rape Russell Brand, ZZ Top, Bon Jovi’s keyboardist, a magician, and the Duck Dynasty guy.
After whistleblowing on a Daily Wire show being launched to “smear” Candace Owens, former employee Maggie Wegner landed a partnership deal with ALP “for her bravery.”
